After the amazing response to “Victorians and their Cats”
it seemed only fair that the dogs get a look-in too. So here’s my favourite collection of Victorian canines:
Elizabeth Bennett decided that, actually, she’d rather found her own internet startup than get married. Mr Darcy is running at full tilt across the lawn and she’s giving him a ten second head start before setting the dogs on him.
“Hello… it’s me… I was wondering if after all these years YOU’VE NOTICED I’M A FUCKING SPANIEL!?!”
“I don’t know how you can stand it, Susan. Cujo is on the next page, I just know it.”
“Oh Albert, isn’t it so much fun when the peasants come begging for food?”
“My dear, I zink zees are dogs.”
“Oh SHUT UP, Albert. And go put some pants on.”
In early drafts of Dickens’s Christmas Carol, Scrooge awakens to find a zombie plague has wiped out most of the City of London. Here we find Tiny Tim preparing to go over the wall in search of food and supplies.
“Mom, are we adopted?”
“Of course not, honey. Now hush up and go clean your shell.”
Only seconds after this painting was completed, on a summer’s day in the garden of Charles Darwin, the frog ate the fly, the cat ate the frog, the dog ate the cat and little Emily was found by the kitchen door, nomming on the remains of Fido, leaving only a sad watering can as witness to the brutality of natural selection.
“Rajah failed the initiation test. Now let’s see what you can do Mr. Waffles. May the odds be ever in your favour.”
“No, no, no Kimmy, your contouring is shit. What have I told you about those highlights!?”
“Oh no, Edith, do we have to read ‘The Sorrows of Young Werther’ again? *sigh*”
“Come on, fat-ass. It’s leg day!”